Crash and Burn

I made it about four days when I broke down and had a soda. I couldn't take it anymore. I had a thirty minute period where Charlie flooded the bathroom upstairs (by over stuffing the toilet) and I had water in my foyer underneath it. Just after that I managed to shatter the glass on the front of my stove while trying to put the door back on. The door came off when I accidentally pulled on it trying to slide it out and clean behind it. The lesson learned is never clean. It was quite a moment. I thought I was going to lose my mind. But after my soda I was able to laugh. So I didn't make it 30 days, but I really don't care. After everything was said and done, I was able to clean up the water (fortunately no lasting damage) and I got a beautiful new stove. I was out the money, but oh well, that's what it's for, isn't it. Besides, this is the first time in my life that I had an emergency fund and it felt nice!

30 Days

Okay, I'm joining Jenny McCarthy for a 30 days of giving something up. I can't believe I am doing this but here goes. I am going to give up soda for the next 30 days. Anyone who knows me knows that I am addicted to the stuff. It doesn't even really seem to have a flavor to me anymore, I just drink it to quench the thirst. I am hoping to rediscover water.

I was just thinking of all the packaging we use and waste on non-water drinks. I think we could all save the earth if we just drank plain water that we had in our own reusable bottles. When I was walking through Costco the other day they had an entire aisle of cans and bottles and cartons that would literally disappear if only we drank water. Interesting...

So here goes to trying to save the planet and my body. This is also in solidarity for my son who is on a very restrictive diet. If he can do it so can I. Perhaps by posting my intentions and have noble reasons I can really make this happen. We will see. Any new habit is hard, but here is to the first step.

More Discipline Please

I was reading the other day that if you want to increase your happiness then you must increase your discipline. Wow, this is a radical concept to me. I have never thought that happiness and discipline go hand in hand. But after thinking about it, they really do.

I started to think about some of the things that would make me happy. At the most shallow level, having a fit body would make me happy. Then I wouldn't have to feel embarrassed when the wind blew my shirt against my body and exposed my flabby tummy. Not feeling embarrassed would make me so happy. (On a side note, while volunteering at my daughter's kindergarten class one of the students asked me if I was having a baby; talk about mortified.) How do I achieve this fit body? Discipline.

I would also love to stop feeling guilty about not spending enough quality time with my kids. I am a stay at home mom so they get plenty of time, but not tons of me really doing something with them that they enjoy. I don't "play" very well. I tend to stay busy doing things around the house and just shuffling them around. How could I spend more time with them and stop feeling guilty? Discipline.

These are just two examples off the top of my head. It seems that the magic answer to achieving happiness is discipline. And yet, here I am with answer in hand and I still can't seem to master having discipline. Why? I think it is because for most of these things I am only accountable to myself. And I don't really suffer all that well. If I am suffering, all I want to do is end it. I guess along with the discipline, I must embrace suffering. Diet and exercise is suffering. I'm sorry if I offend a lot of parents out there, but for me, sitting down and doing activities with a child has a certain amount of suffering. There are many things I would rather be doing than putting a Disney princess puzzle together.

I guess I really need discipline about having discipline. I am really going to put that on my list. But as soon as it gets hard, who knows...

Living Sacrifice

I am not trying to get all high and mighty in this blog, but it is something that I am struggling with and it just popped into my brain. My husband told me that he was just watching "Schindler's List" and he had forgotten how moving the film was to him. I remarked to him that the thing that stayed with me is the scene at the end of the film when Oscar Schindler is crying because he felt that he didn't do enough. I remember that he said that his car could have saved 20 more people and that his coat could have saved 3 more people. This is extremely powerful to me.

This reminds me of the example that Christ has laid out before us, that we should be a living sacrifice. And sacrifice means that it is gonna hurt. That we should give until it hurts. This is something I struggle with daily. When I am really wanting something I am always thinking that maybe I shouldn't spend the money on what I want and instead I should be giving it to charity. The new purse I want would feed a family for two weeks. Those shoes, another two weeks, and a new dishwasher, a whole month. Of course, most time I end up rationalizing my wants and end up getting them.

Don't get me wrong, I give to charity (not 10% though). I donate old clothes to Goodwill and old household goods. I clean out my pantry and give it to the food bank. I have even driven for Meals on Wheels. But this has never hurt me or really cost me anything. Does it hurt to give away old clothes? No, it's usually great because it clears the way for new ones. Like I said, I am not trying to get all high and mighty. It's just something that has been plaguing me and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. Perhaps it's just good old fashioned Catholic guilt.

Or perhaps I have it all wrong. Maybe it doesn't have to hurt to still be a good thing. Maybe it shouldn't have to be a grandiose gesture of supreme selflessness to make a difference. Maybe I am just crazy.

But wouldn't the world be a fantastic place to live if we all gave until it hurt?